The number of dogs named ‘Bitcoin’ is, unfortunately, more than zero

Image: Getty Images/ RooM RF

Every day we stray further from God’s light. Case in level: it appears that, on this cursed Earth, there are more than zero dogs named Bitcoin.

Yes, for some reason, real humen have looked into a dog’s beautiful, loving eyes and guessed, “This dog should be named Bitcoin.” We don’t know why and we are genuinely can’t stop it — all we can do is let you know and hope that this idea doesn’t become a trend.

Here’s one puppy named Bitcoin, a Maltese puppy who has a very pleasant Instagram presence. Luckily, Bitcoin seems to be interested in cryptocurrency( judging by her captions, anyway ), so perhaps the name is a good fit.

Here she is with a doll shaped like a dollar sign.

On Twitter, there are even more reports of puppies named Bitcoin. One consumer alleges that her grandfather named his new dog Bitcoin, a choice that is confounding but not necessarily surprising considering the current state of the world( shambles ).

Will the epithet spike in popularity as the cryptocurrency epoch rages on?

Another person reported last year that his cousin named a dog “Biggie Bitcoin.” I am not sure this counts, as the dog is likely referred to as “Biggie, ” but it seemed too wild to omit.

If you’re in NYC, though, feel free to retain your moral superiority a little longer — at the least as it relates to puppy epithets. According to the NYC puppy name map — one of the best things to ever be online — there are 0 dogs named Bitcoin currently registered in New York City. Same runs for these other crypto-related terms: Ethereum, Crypto, Litecoin, Dogecoin, and Blockchain. There are a few bird-dogs named Krypto, but we presume this is a Superman reference.

This doesn’t mean there aren’t Bitcoins out there we just aren’t aware of yet. For instance, the Bay Area, home of Silicon Valley, does not have a publicly available bird-dog name database. But for all we are aware, a little Bitcoin is being mined — I entail, adopted — from a shelter right now.

Seems somewhat likely.

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